This is not my ceiling
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
