Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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