I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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