I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I want to be your penis for a week.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
