its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
