Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
