i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
