Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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