I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
