There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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