A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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