I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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