i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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