I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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