Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
