You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
