evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
