You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
