never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
