Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
