Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
