She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
