I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
