i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
