never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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