You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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