Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
