Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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