I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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