remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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