Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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