We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
