her vagine was all disorganized.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is Oprah even human
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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