You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
