At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
