Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
