their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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