I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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