I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
