In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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