There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
