Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was like eating out sand paper
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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