I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
