Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sobbing to NWA
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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