I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
