Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
