It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
