Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
