Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
