Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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