dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
