you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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