theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
3 2 1 whiskey
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
