I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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