OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
