how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
