why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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