Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
